19 August 2001, 12:01 GMT

Old-Age Pensioner Betty Swanker is furious at the happy-go-lucky attitudes of the new generation of "hacking-is-good" programmers (or Generation XP).

"Youngsters these days," she maintained, "they swan around in their inappropriate clothing, they smooch in the streets... anyone would think they invented this stuff. Well, I was quite a mover in my day as well, you know. Would you like a Murray mint?"

"And another thing," she continued. "This programming thing, they just keep going on about it as if they just thought of it themselves!"

"Who does, Mrs Swanker?" we asked patiently.

"Why, the new XP generation!" she retorted. "They seem to think that anyone who doesn't do XP is just a crusty old fart in the wind. Well, it's not true I tell you. Well, how about a Worther's Original, young man?"

"'Testing is central to XP,'" she mimicked. "Well, my husband was a programmer during the War, and they knew all about testing then, I can tell you." She paused to sip her freshly brewed Rosemary tea.

"No overtime," she added suddenly. "They go on about not having to do overtime. Well, my husband never did overtime either. And that was with a war on!"

"And another thing," she added. "I know for a fact that those XP youngsters, they think that if you don't do XP like them, that you're a crusty old has-been like me, with a short memory and a penchant for Murray mints. Would you like one, by the way? And they harp on about 'the old way' as if XP invented progression - as if the computer industry hasn't evolved regardless of their pointless, deluded existence."

"More to the point," she added, her shaky old voice taking on a sinister tone, "I am really just an embodiment of their imagination. I mean, haven't you seen Fight Club? Isn't that scary, young man? It's just a bit sad that instead of creating a dangerous psycopath to fulfill their missing needs, they created a slightly wacky old lady with a near-fetish for Worthers Originals and a dead husband who actually knew how to program."

"Yes, my husband knew all about these things," she confirmed. "By the way, he's being buried in fifteen minutes. Can I hitch a ride?"

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