11 August 2001, 15:07 GMT

24-year-old Visual Basic programmer Barnie Lovers loves to pin up pictures of his family and friends, making his office cubicle workspace a much more "homely" sort of place.

Recently, Lovers was given a golden opportunity to explain all this in great detail to a blind date that was arranged by his younger sister, Sally Lovers.

His unsuspecting date for the evening, a Miss Marcia Speckles, sat silently through most of the meal, finding unusual interest in her battered old Mickey Mouse wristwatch.

"My cubicle is just like a home away from home," Lovers explained to Speckles during the meal. "I have a picture of my two-year-old son from back when I was married - oh, but you don't need to worry, that's ancient history now. It was just a wild fling you know, sort of a shotgun wedding in Las Vegas with an Elvis priest. The usual. Have you chosen yet? You should have the Cannelloni! It's very nice you know, though not quite as good as the real thing - you know, the supermarket dish. I have that most evenings actually, it's so easy to just heat up while my PC is rebooting. Ah good, here's the wine."

Lovers was, of course, keen to make a show of grimacing at the wine, and sending it back with a curt remark about cheap tarts, or tartness, or something like that.

"Anyway," he continued almost immediately, "so I had a shotgun marriage in Vegas, but I was only actually married for ten months - just enough time for little Tarquin to be born, and for us to realise that the whole thing had been a terrible mistake right from the beginning. But that's all behind me, as I say. I can assure you that I carry no emotional baggage whatsoever in THAT department! Nosirree. Ah, here's the replacement wine. Mmm yes, much better. Anyway off you go, can't you see I am entertaining my good ladyfriend here?"

He went on to explain to an increasingly ill-at-ease Miss Speckles, that the fact that he also pins up dog-eared photos of his ex-wife was simply platonic and good-natured:

"I think that even though Tarquin spends all of his time with his mother, he sort of carries some awareness through to the picture I have pinned up in my cubicle. I often think that he can actually see me - he's staring right out at me from that picture. What a cute little tyke! So it's only fair, you know, that there should be a picture of his mother and me right next to him. Recreates that happy family atmosphere, do you know what I mean? My cubicle is like a shrine to the blissful life that has now been denied me for ever. And I just think that if Tarquin's picture is happy in my cubicle, then some of that happiness must surely carry over to real-life Tarquin. Shall I top up your wine? What's that? Another bottle? Well, okay."

After the meal, Lovers insisted on taking his date to his office, which was "just ten minutes' drive away". In fact it turned out to be a good two hour drive to a different town. Once there however, he proudly showed her the plethora of personal gems and artifacts that adorn his cubicle.

In addition to the family pictures, Lovers' desk is also enhanced by a group photo of the "friends" he made on a rare holiday, trekking in the French Alps eight years ago.

"I really ought to get back in contact with some of those guys," he laughed. "That was a great activity holiday!"

His cubicle is also adorned with a small cactus, a fern that Lovers waters regularly, and a French Alps calendar. His Windows wallpaper is a scanned-in picture of his two-year-old son filling his nappy.

"Just look at the concentration on his face!" chortled Lovers to his blind date. "It's a gritty picture, I know, but it's sort of reality-based. Gives me access to my son, even though I no longer have that in real life. What's that? Well, okay. Shall I call you a taxi then?"

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