The two software behemoths will once again combine forces to produce a "shiny new operating system, just like in the old days". The software will reportedly be produced by Microsoft, and IBM will provide the hardware on which the OS will run.

"We really are quite confident that this time things will work out," IBM announced in a press release on their website last week. "Microsoft have promised us that they have changed, that this time it really will be different, and they won't just up and leave with all their intellectual property just because of some stupid lover's tiff, leaving us a broken heap, all confused, remorseful and bitter."

Aah, those were the days. Do you remember..? On the bridge? I leaned over... we kissed... doesn't that mean anything to you? Didn't it matter at all, back then?

The press release continues: "Microsoft really have been terribly nice about the whole thing, and they have promised that this time they will let us have a slice of the pie. We are truly willing to forgive and forget.

"Our last relationship with them was short, but such an exhilerating roller-coaster ride. It awakened feelings in us that we didn't even know could exist. Given the violent nature of our break-up, it has taken a while for the dust to settle. However, we have both moved on, and we both feel that it is time to try again.

"Of course Microsoft has really come a long way in the meantime - they've done really well, whereas we have just sort of stood still. We're just like a dinosaur. A big, fat, lumbering dinosaur. I mean, look at us! Would you want to marry someone who looks like this?"

But despite these self-doubts, the new IBM are convinced that there could still be love there, assuming both companies are willing to try hard enough. The IBM press release continues: "Aside from a minor amount of self-reinvention - new hairstyle, different clothes, that sort of thing - we're basically the same company. But that's why this relationship could really work this time. We can provide a stable influence to counter Microsoft's avant-garde lifestyle. I just hope that Microsoft feels the same way... you know, for old time's sakes..."

A couple of days later, a violent rebuttal appeared on the Microsoft website: "She's nuts," their press release reads. "There's no going back, I mean ever. We're just too different, d'you know what I mean?"

The following day, a follow-up press release appeared on the IBM website: "Well, that's gratitude for you. When we first met Microsoft, they were barely out of the gutter. We gave them that leg up that they needed. We found them work, gave them credibility and respect, and how did they repay us? By walking out, leaving us behind to pick up the pieces."

After the World-famous acrimonious breakup, IBM went on to open up its own street-corner bookstore, specialising in out-of-print rare editions; meanwhile Microsoft went on to become the World's best-known software company, and started hanging out with ex-Rolling Stone Mick Jagger.

Lara Gonzales, Junior Programmer, Chiswick, UK:
"I yam confused, I thought these were companies. Where the logic? How companies love? It no possible!"

Lana Ricard, Unemployed dotcommer, NY:
"This is exactly why my dot-com employer went bust, you know. They had a nasty break-up with their supplier, just like this one, only worse. Because it was nastier."

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