Confused Office Politics Reveller begins accidentally CC'ing the wrong people in his backstabbing emails

3 February 2002, 17:37 GMT

Surrey, England-based 26-year-old Eric Puddle lives and breathes office politics. If he isn't seen standing beside the water cooler putting the knife into a fellow employee, he'll no doubt be sending acerbic emails to a select audience, describing in exacting detail why certain specific team members should be sacked without notice or severance pay.

"Goddamn incompetents!" his emails will often read. When asked why he revels in such unsavoury behaviour, Puddle replied: "It makes the job worthwhile! Beats spending the day programming, anyhow."

As if in a dream, Puddle recently sent an email titled "Bob Scrow couldn't program his way out a soggy paper bag!" to various members of the programming department. When Bob Scrow began glowering furiously at him from across the room, he assumed that one of the programmers had sneakily snitched on him.

"Goddamn two-faced backstabbers," he grumbled out loud (oblivious to the fact that the other programmers could hear him).

Then, on a whim, he opened up his Open Virus Distribution Hub (aka Outlook) and scanned his Sent emails. To his horror, he noticed that he had CC'd the Bob Scrow email to Bob Scrow - yet he had no recollection of doing so!

"Must be another goddamn virus," he grumbled. "I bet it detects that I'm criticising someone, and quietly CC's that person. Sneaky! Those virus writers get cleverer and cleverer."

He then grumbled about the Network Support group being unable to keep even the well-known viruses at bay. Eager to share this piece of insight, he clicked the New Email button and began to type furiously: "Them goddamn network support engineers are so incompetent, I bet even if a virus walked in through the door waving an 'I'm a Virus, so bite me!' flag, they wouldn't recognise it, let alone know how to stop it running around the office making ugly faces at people."

He then absentmindedly CC'd the email to the Network Support group, and sent it with a flourish of smug satisfaction.

An hour later, he suddenly realised what he had done - and frantically tried to cancel the incriminating email. Of course this only resulted in a further email doing the rounds, titled "Eric Puddle would like to recall Network Support personnel suck arse big-time," just adding to his misery.

Any right-minded person would have learnt his lesson after such a debacle, but not Eric Puddle. Late last week, he was discovered rocking slowly back and forth in the cobweb-laden darkness of the office broom cupboard. When asked what was wrong, he replied that he had just visited his bank manager, and without even thinking about it, had begun confiding in the surprised woman that "his bank manager was an absolute bitch who was tighter than a parrot's arse."

He only realised his unfortunate mistake when he was returning to the office clutching a Subway foot-long and a Starbucks grand latte.

Later that day, he emailed his Californian boss, explaining that Subways and Starbucks were "about the only good things those goddamn Americans have ever given us." He added that "that country is in the state it's in because of their great tradition of empowering the stupid!"

The following Monday, he arrived at work to discover that his key-card no longer let him into the building. Surprised, he pressed the door buzzer.

"Reception!" came the chirpy reply.

"My key-card is broken!" he barked into the intercom. "I bet it's that goddamn floozy receptionist's fault. You know, she couldn't organise a broom-hunt at a witches' convention, the incompetent hag."

He was curtly informed that his P45 was "in the post".

Related Stories:

Bootscrubber Lambasts Software Industry September 23, 2001

Hi-Tech Lovers Personalised Cubicle With Pictures and Artifacts From Hot Fling August 11, 2001

Project Manager Has Based His Entire Life on Requirements July 29, 2001

Back to The Rumour Mill