MAKE MONEY FROM TIRESOME CUSTOMERS!

From our objective reporter, Mark Collins-Cope
11 August 2002, 14:23 GMT

Give your support desk the feel of a buzzing hi-tech call center!

NEW CALL ANSWERING SYSTEM CUTS RECEPTIONIST COSTS.

Press Release - CostCutting-Through-Inappropriate-Technology.com

Our new product is guaranteed to cut costs and even make you money. Here's what you do.

First of all, register your phone number as an 07789 number - you know, £2 a minute jobbie.

Secondly, install our revolutionary new "Receptionist Cost Cutter" product.

No more tiresome customers to deal with. Just let them wait on the phone and you'll be quids in.

The number will connect, straight away, of course. Then they'll hear a message saying they are next but two in the queue, so just hold on an eensy weensy bit longer. This message will run for about 20 minutes, you can sell ad space for this bit if you like.

Then they're into the numeric options bit. First of all the system will ask them to say the
numbers one to ten slowly, hitting the * key after each number. This'll happen a couple of times until the voice recognition system thinks it's got it right.

Then there'll be a long message outlining 37 different options and what number sequences to say to get each one. Of course, the voice recognition bit is really just a scam to keep 'em waiting for longer, so after they've repeated their four digit selection sequence, it'll go
straight back to the 37 options and start again.

After 3 tries at this, it'll then inform the user that their voice is not of a type that can be
recognised and ask them to press the # key. They then get to key in digits to make their choice. Each choice, of course, is part of an ergonomically designed multi-level menu system to guide the person to exactly the right area.

Actually, behind the scenes this is all a complete scam, but you can set the system to keep them waiting for 30, 45 or 60 minutes before finally telling them to call back later because everybody's busy at the moment.

Call us now for more information on 07789-222333.

Related Stories:

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Call Centers are like a "black hole" from which no energy can escape  January 20, 2002

IT Support Department to Hire Rottweilers as Technicians  January 13, 2002

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