Software Agility Solves All

20 February 2005, 15:43 GMT

It's long been known that Extreme Programming (an agile development process) is the answer to our software development sins. But little did we know that software agility can do a lot more for us than simply wipe away the sins of our degenerate lives and projects.

Software agility provides answers to the problems of low communication, wrong requirements, poor design, bad breath, scope issues, insufficient or inadequate testing, and integration.

It's now firmly understood that agile development also cures cancer, and has solved, once and for all, the problems of world hunger and religious intolerance. Agile programming taps into a divine and cosmic force that underlies the entire material world.

Agile proponent Timmy Scamper was quick to make these claims at a meeting of the Extreme January club at Antarctica last Thursday. Holding his audience (himself, the piano player and a tin of spaghetti) in rapt attention, Scamper made these outlandish - though obviously totally true - claims. He justified the claims by bellowing:

"Before agility, software development teams just weren't interested in creating software that met the customer's requirements. Requirements specs were little more than a ploy to keep the customer happy, while the teams goofed off and played foosball for six months. However, software agility has finally made the penny drop for these lowlives, that projects are there to fulfill customer goals! Before agility, this was never, ever the case. Ever."

His audience watched in shocked, though adoring, silence. He added: "If you're not agile, you don't know how to program. If your project doesn't have a wiki, you don't communicate. If you don't all squeeze into one room together, you won't all know the joys of sweaty armpits being shoved repeatedly into your face on a bright and sunny August afternoon."

Then, his voice rising to a fever pitch matched only by the howling of the icy wind whipping the subzero temperature outside the survival hut, he bellowed: "Software agility has solved all the problems of the world, hurrah!"

The piano player chose this moment to launch into an upbeat rendition of Kenny Loggins' Lucky Lady.

<< Back to The Rumour Mill

<< Back to the Front Page