Programming with
a dose of satire.
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Software Reality Guestbook |
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Earlier Messages From our previous life as Bad-Managers.com... Message Index I think I worked for some of these companies! It all sounds very familiar. I hav ... You! Invaders! Get you the hot bullets of shotgun to die! Make funny of my co ... Hey skok, I think you missing the point! That story is pro Chinese people, it ab ... Your web site is quite entertaining! I think that software is only half the prob ... Hey Great site but why limit to just Software managers. I have just quit a job f ... Excellent site! The True Stories sure were like a story of my life. ... Great stories. It's all so eerily familiar... -K ... You, Mr Stephens, are an upstart. And childish too. And crude. And nasty. You pr ... The ultimate industry for stupity in IT management is the Life Insurance and An ... Deer mr Steven s, Ive´ herd that thing that your are an intelektal snob and h ... Man, you're amazing. I don't think ExtremeProgramming has argumen ... I´ve been in S/W for 11 years and I´ve seen some of the things you´re criticisin ... Visual Basic´s multithreading model works fine - you just need to know what you ... Ha ha, love the last message. Very funny. And I thought I was the only one to ... I have been told about this web site by a friend who worked for one of the comp ... REVENGE? What revenge? For what? This website was published for one company? ... Love the site! Your stories have me in stitches. Keep up the good work. ... I can't believe Bad Managers is alive and well and looking so good. Matt, ... Show me the people who have actually, successfully used XP (whatever that may be ... Great site!! Your stories remind me of a company I worked for up until July 200 ... Extreme Programmers Deny Terrorist Links (After reading the "slam piece& ... HA, HA! Forget about the lawyer book. The software company has turned out to b ... Wowww! Wish I was working in the IT industry. I work (mostly) in construction, ... Dont usually come to these guestbook but this site deerves it as it is possiblil ... The Messages: Nice website! I'm glad you finally got around to updating it. Keep up the good work!!Sue Kent, UK Thu Jul 26 14:00:06 EDT 2001 With G-d's Help I am very glad to see this site. I remember the old 'Bad Managers' from years ago. Good luck with the present version. Joshua Kamenetz jkamenetz@hotmail.com Naharia, Israel Thu Jul 26 14:03:32 EDT 2001 I think I worked for some of these companies! It all sounds very familiar. I have some stories of my own, I'll send them in when I get time. Will Jones Not sure where exactly, UK Thu Jul 26 14:05:08 EDT 2001 You! Invaders! Get you the hot bullets of shotgun to die! Make funny of my country, you? You racialist and white roundeye devil. Die die die. #### skok@yellowperil.com Not sure where exactly, China Thu Jul 26 14:06:14 EDT 2001 Hey skok, I think you missing the point! That story is pro Chinese people, it about Government tyranny. Most people don't know what going on, so more stories that increase awareness the better. Skulker Not sure where exactly, Wales Thu Jul 26 14:08:11 EDT 2001 Your web site is quite entertaining! I think that software is only half the problem. There are crap managers in the hardware side as well. I have some sadly funny horror stories that I´d love to post, but I´ll hold off for now. Last week, I quit my job paying over $100k/year because of working for crap managers. Yippee!! Thumbs up to your site! Prefer to be anonymous Michigan, USA Thu Jul 26 15:41:43 EDT 2001 Hey Great site but why limit to just Software managers. I have just quit a job from a multi national oil service company and the horror stories there are much worse than the ones you have here. Local Manger in Nigeria takes over managing of Production Facility offshore and sends the fire pump into town for repair leaving the facility without fire protection for 10 months!!! I was there Just a sample. A J Lovering tlovering@impact-es.com Kinver, UK Sat Jul 28 04:01:51 EDT 2001 Excellent site! The True Stories sure were like a story of my life. Mr Grubby grubby123@hotmail.com USA Wed Aug 22 08:59:04 EDT 2001 Great stories. It's all so eerily familiar... -K K Mason k@thestudioorange.com Tue Aug 28 00:35:04 EDT 2001 You, Mr Stephens, are an upstart. And childish too. And crude. And nasty. You probably smell. Yes, that´s right, of pooh. In fact I don´t know how you spare the time for this site, as I´d imagine you spend most of your spare time strangling puppies. If you are going to use humor please make sure it is sensible, grown up, humor. That´s right, humor, spelt the way God(tm) intended. The fact that you obviously believe yourself to be a vastly superior programmer to something or other I find personally insulting, but for reasons I can´t currently fathom. I deem this to be your fault also. I´m not going to point out what I don´t like about what you have said, as that would obviously dignify what you said. Which was bad. If fact you should be ignored. Which is what I´m doing now. See. That´s my cold shoulder. Fear it. Any more of your knowledgeable and arrogant hate crimes and I´ll be forced to unleash my crack team of XP ducks to peck you to death. You, sirrah, have been warned! Malcolm XP fightThePower@XPforMohamed.com US of A (And don´t you forget it) Wed Aug 29 20:32:25 EDT 2001 The ultimate industry for stupity in IT management is the Life Insurance and Annuity Industry. Because of the money that´s at stake and the strick government regulations, it is always the case that software development and modification support is always in crisis mode, needing to be done yesterday sending management into brain-lock. Anonymous person Newport Beach, CA, USA Sat Sep 01 01:53:40 EDT 2001 Deer mr Steven s, Ive´ herd that thing that your are an intelektal snob and hink that hi iQ makes four a beta programer. Wel, you´r rong, Im got 90, and im supah speshal xp programmar, with jimmy as my co pilot. and the baby jezus. so pleeze dig yur owen diches, fagot! Neddy wat do I tipe her? USA Tue Sep 04 15:32:57 EDT 2001 Man, you're amazing. I don't think ExtremeProgramming has arguments good enough to deserve you criticism. Do you think we are ever going to see common sense back into the software industry ? prefer to be anonymous CA, USA Tue Sep 04 21:37:25 EDT 2001 I´ve been in S/W for 11 years and I´ve seen some of the things you´re criticising here and agree that something was wrong, but perhaps not the management. You really should read Extreme Programming (XP) to realise that you´re solutions were (and I think still are) a bit off the mark. Not A Manager London, UK Wed Sep 05 08:45:02 EDT 2001 Visual Basic´s multithreading model works fine - you just need to know what you are doing. Java is OK too - for a language which came into existence for programming cable television boxes. Oh, you can write server code with Java as well? Why, just a year ago everybody was telling me how Java was the ultimate client language. Things sure do change a lot in a year. It makes me wonder what you will be saying next year. People can write bad code in any language just like they can write bad poetry in any language. It is, however, the hallmark of inexperience to bash the tools rather than the craftsmanship with which the tools were applied. "Visual Basic 6, a non-object-oriented language that encourages bad coding styles, and should never, ever, be used to write a server. For a start, it´s very difficult to write multi-threaded code in VB (it´s certainly impossible to use it to write efficient multi-threaded code). It´s a language which came into existence as a "quick and easy" way to produce GUI client programs (note client, not server)." Anonymous person Thu Sep 06 17:35:04 EDT 2001 Ha ha, love the last message. Very funny. And I thought I was the only one to do spoof messages here. Bravo! Dino. Dino UK Fri Sep 07 05:35:18 EDT 2001 I have been told about this web site by a friend who worked for one of the companies Matt is naming here. I think that Matt has been very unfair to publish such a childish and corny web site in order to get his REVENGE!! If Matt (John) was so unsatisfied with the management and the rest of IMPORTED stuff working with him, he could have got the hell out of there and never look back. But he didn´t do that! Instead he stayed and made an ass of himself. I work for the New York Times and would like to purplish a story about bad employee and I promise you I will not think twice about whether I should mention Matt (John) as one. Apparently this web site is a hell of the lot better than what he was paid for months to do for that company. Corey Kilgannon coreykilgannon@hotmail.com New York, USA Tue Oct 16 11:14:40 EDT 2001 REVENGE? What revenge? For what? This website was published for one company? News to me. Stayed? Of course he left. Doh. "purplish a story about bad employee" Yeah, we're all very convinced by your mastery of the English language. Well done sad man. Oh well, strangers spraying off unfounded vagueness that they heard from a friend doesn't count for much in the scheme of things. "They said you smell, and did bad things. You bad man!! Die die." Dino UK Tue Oct 16 12:24:19 EDT 2001 Love the site! Your stories have me in stitches. Keep up the good work. Anonymous Fri Nov 30 07:12:14 EST 2001 I can't believe Bad Managers is alive and well and looking so good. Matt, you're a real pro. Simon London, UK Wed Dec 12 04:43:06 EST 2001 Show me the people who have actually, successfully used XP (whatever that may be) in anger, for real, repeatedly, in the trenches - rather than under lab conditions. I have a bad feeling that none of the people peddling this stuff are actually tasting their own medicine. Sooner or later (with any luck or justice) they will be caught out; tarred, feathered and taught how to ´ride the rail´. Miles Daffin mdaffin@infpwr.com UK Sat Dec 29 11:35:30 EST 2001 Great site!! Your stories remind me of a company I worked for up until July 2001...Rexel, Inc. The manager wasn't even a programmer! The crap I had to put up with while learning EDI put me over the edge and I walked out without giving notice. They hired me because I was cheap, but I had 3 years experience as a COBOL programmer. I worked on their AcuCobol system for 1 year until they converted it over to another system. Then I trained in EDI and started working with that...I started to enjoy it. But I had to get training from a really bitchy Sr. P/A who was responsible for the departure of two programmers who worked on EDI prior to my stint. Now, I'm unemployed and can't seem to get any work. I wish I stayed on and told them where to stick it. Joe Denison joed4@msn.com Dallas, TX, USA Thu Feb 14 22:41:53 EST 2002 Extreme Programmers Deny Terrorist Links (After reading the "slam piece" on XP and some of the Rumors section, I couldn´t help but whip this together. No offense inteded - Hope you enjoy) <SATIRE> Faced with growing concern over their unconventional software development practices, leaders of those who follow the tenets of Extreme Programming (XP) today denied that they pose any sort of security threat in the post-September 11th world. Dan Slammer, a Lead Programmer for a major financial services firm who guides several teams of so-called "XP-ers" (Extreme Programmers) held a news conference to deny growing rumors and outright accusations coming from corporate and government leaders. "We are not terrorists" he said flatly, "we are programmers who are simply sick of the status quo and who are revolutionizing the software development industry." Slammer responded to reporters´ pointed questions about XP methods and ultimate goals, growing angrier as he addressed each new concern. "So WHAT if we diagram design elements on scraps of paper that are discarded later?" he asked rhetorically. "Everyone does that at some time - managers, sales reps - they ALL will sketch a diagram on a cocktail napkin at one time or another! Just because Al-Qaeda terrorists diagrammed bombs and attack plans and then trashed them when they were routed from Kabul does not mean everyone who sketches is a terrorist!" But the United States Department of Justice is beginning an investigation into exactly the sort of links Slammer denied. Justice Department Deputy Janice Phage announced the department´s intentions in a Washington DC address to local, state and federal law-enforcement officials. "By the very name of their ´methodology´" said Phage before a capacity crowd, "these ´Extreme Programmers´ raise a warning flag. But beyond that, their methods and their goals should make every agency charged with Homeland Security sit up and take notice. We in the Justice Department are taking notice, and we are investigating." Phage went on to cite a long list of parallels between Extreme Programming and terrorism: * Extreme Programmers work in groups as small as two (called "Pair Programming"), that in turn communicate with other such groups, like the now-familiar "cell network" of terrorists; * Extreme Programmers avoid documentation of their "work" as much as possible, avoiding paper-trails; * Extreme Programmers improvise to arrive at solutions where resources are limited, much as terrorists will create bombs and other destructive devices from crude materials; * Extreme Programming as a philosophy shuns tradition, hierarchy and future planning in favor of "doing whatever it takes" to achieve goals; * Extreme Programming has a growing following of faithful, fanatic adherents. The press conference at which Dan Slammer answered these charges was attended by a large crowd of XP followers, who cheered and applauded often as Slammer issued denials and turned the accusations back on the Justice Department. "What this amounts to" screamed Slammer, pounding his fist on the podium for emphasis, "is a practice worse than ´racial profiling´ - it is ´method profiling´, something as antithetical to the American Way as wiretapping civil rights leaders!" The crowd then began stomping their feet and chanting "XP! XP!" Kent Beck (Peace Be Unto Him), the so-called "Father of Extreme Programming", could not be reached for comment. </SATIRE> Craig Heath RangerPython@hotmail.com Northern CA, USA Mon Feb 18 14:01:25 EST 2002 HA, HA! Forget about the lawyer book. The software company has turned out to be even funnier. What a bunch of nitwits! Unfortunately, there isn't enough space here to talk about it all. Let's see, we have a liar, a pervert, a know nothing MBA, the dumbest project manager that ever lived, a hussy, a few drunks, etc. Did I mention that I've been sitting here for 2 weeks & haven't done a thing? I'm just here to collect my check! :o) HS St. Louis, USA Mon Mar 11 15:08:14 EST 2002 Wowww! Wish I was working in the IT industry. I work (mostly) in construction, where the bad management is mostly no more serious than putting the tower crane in the middle of the lift lobby. IT has the best stories! Ian thorpei@tpg.com.au Sydney, Australia Mon Mar 25 01:33:54 EST 2002 Dont usually come to these guestbook but this site deerves it as it is possiblilly the only site that has entertanied me and made me laugh for about 2 hours... Kepp it up Vowthorn vowthorn@SPAMFREEyahoo.com Johannesburg, South Africa Tue Apr 09 17:26:06 EDT 2002 Page 4 (probably the most contentious set!) << Back to the Latest Guestbook Messages Want to write an article for Software Reality? Please send me an . |
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